The Wardrobe of Erised (Alternative ending)
by Ragnar'sStories
Summary: Merula has been alone and ignored for the longest time, but when she sees the love of her life, the MC (Here called Anon Ymous for lack of a canon name) she looses all hope she has. Follow her as she tries her best to become the character she is in her mind, but remember: Happy endings aren't always a given.
1. Chapter 1 - The lion, the witch and the

**Not sure what to say. This speaks for itself. Enjoy.**

 **More to come**

* * *

 **Chapter 1 – The lion, the witch and the wardrobe**

It had been a month now since Ymous and that blonde haired bimbo Penny had started dating.

Merula sat in potions class, idly watching them as they gossiped over a cauldron. Their smiles and positivism lit up the surrounding area. Rowan and her ex-friend, Barnaby, were at the same table, laughing together. The muscles for brains was sat where she used to sit.

She had retreated from it after she learnt of Ymous and Penny.

She looked at him; his face was so happy and full of love for her. Merula's heart sank, as did her shoulders, as she slumped onto the table.

"Come on Merula, we have to finish this potion before Snape tells us off"

Complained her new potions partner, some girl whose name she hadn't bothered to learn, but always managed to drop or break things by accident.

"Fuck off"

She said, dryly, without looking up.

The girl gasped slightly and a few classmates around her stopped talking. There was a moment of silence.

"Miss Snyde. Would you care to repeat that?"

Came a dry voice from behind her. She didn't have to move to know who it was, but she looked over anyway. Snape stood above her, looking down, his usual calm and annoyed expression observing her.

She hesitated for a moment, looking back at her potion equipment, but as she looked at the little vial in front of her, behind it, in the distance, she saw Ymous looking at her, his face a mixture of mock and disgust.

His eyes pierced her with emotions that no words could describe, before quickly returning to chatting with Penny, both of them sharing a comment, probably about her, and then returning to their potion, as if nothing had happened.

She was nothing more than a little annoyance for him.

He didn't spend hours thinking about her, dreaming of her, daydreaming about that moment when they would finally overcome their differences and embrace each other for the first time. The love that would blossom, the children that would spawn from them, the little cottage they would buy, somewhere in the mountains, all the special moments they would share, day to day, the smiles before bed and little kisses when waking up.

The hope that one-day, the last thing she sees are his dark eyes looking at hers, overcome with love, the room full of the beautiful family they had produced over a lifetime of being together.

He hadn't spent nights upon nights thinking of a way to separate Penny from him and realizing how much he really loved Merula. Just like Merula loved him.

A life that was never to come flashed countless times in front of her.

Every single option and outcome she envisioned always ended with the same conclusion of loneliness.

That was it. She had had enough.

She placed her hands on the table, stood herself up and turned around to look Snape in the eyes.

"Fuck. Off"

The classroom fell silent and a grin spread across Snape's face.

"Feeling brave today do you Miss Snyde?"

She stood in silence, her eyes looking directly into his. His eyes darted from her to somewhere else in the class. For a brief moment, she thought she sensed understanding in his dark eyes.

"Much to my regret, and hopefully to the annoyance of your housemates, I'm deducting 50 points from Slytherin for cursing at a teacher"

The room was filled with the sound of Slytherin students complaints and insults at Merula, that Snape seemed to joyfully ignore.

"But-"

"You will also be attending detention with me after classes every day from now on till I say so"

He said interrupting her and lean his head in.

"I'll see you later on, Miss Snyde. Now sit down and shut up"

He said, slapping a book he had in his hands over her head with a thump.

Merula took her place and looked down at her hands.

All the anger and bravery that had boiled up inside her had fizzled away. The few chances of making friends she had had, had just been eliminated.

She looked up. Ymous was back to talking with Penny. The blonde looked over at Snape, who had his back to them, and leaned over to Anon, kissing him on the lips gently.

Merula looked down, as time seemed to slow down slightly around her. Before she knew it, the class had ended and the students were leaving. She looked around her, almost in a haze. Ymous had left; all that remained on his desk was a small vial with deep purple liquid in it.

"Come here"

Called out a voice from her side.

Snape was sat at his desk, writing some papers.

She slowly got up and shuffled over to his table. He looked up.

"Miss Snyde, what the hell do you think you are doing?"

Merula blinked.

"I… What?"

His words seemed unlike the Snape she had known. He shook his head.

"You were a very promising witch when you got here. Why have you let that potential go to waste?"

Merula looked away in silence, unsure how to answer.

Snape observed her and looked down at his notes.

"There are… rumors, that somewhere in this castle there is a mirror that reflects the deepest desire of those who look into it. Did you know about this Miss Snyde?"

Merula looked at him, puzzled.

"N-no sir. I've never heard of it"

Snape paused a moment and leaned back in his chair.

"Well, it exists. Such an artefact is somewhere in this castle, behind one of its many, many walls."

"I… see. Why are you telling me this professor?"

Snape sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fingers.

"For a girl with such promise, you lack even the most basic foresight."

Before Merula could answer, he stood up and beckoned her.

"Follow me".

They exited the classroom through the door at the back, where Merula had assumed Snape had his office, but instead of a room, there was a long hallway, riddled with doors.

Snape took out his wand and muttered something. A bight light flashed, and where there were many doors, there were now three.

"Professor?"

She asked, but he ignored her and headed for the third door, opening it and gesturing her to enter it.

Inside was a large chamber with nothing in it except for a large wardrobe in the center, large enough for five or six people to fit in.

Snape walked over to it and looked back at her, he raised his hand slowly.

"This is the wardrobe of Erised, the brother to the mirror I mentioned before. No one else except myself knows that it is here. Myself and now you."

Merula raised an eyebrow.

"Thanks for the honour I guess, but why show me?"

Snape sighed.

"This is your detention. Get into the wardrobe."

Merula blinked.

"What?"

"Did I stutter girl? I said get in."

Merula took a step back, but with a quick flip of his wand, snape closed and locked the door.

"You can't do this too me!"

She said, pulling out her wand and aiming it at Snape. He chuckled and flicked his wand, shooting hers out of her hand. He flicked it again and she began to levitate, unable to move in any direction.

"Ahh! Stop it, you idiot!"

She screamed at him as she began to float around in circles.

"Trust me, you will thank me later"

"I'll never thank you, you piece of-"

But before she could finish her sentence, Snape flung the door of the wardrobe open and she was flung inside.

As she crashed inside, she heard the door behind her close with a slam, plummeting her in darkness as she hit the wooden floor and bounced against the wall.

Taking a moment to recover, she sat up and banged on the wall.

"Let me out you-"

She stopped, realizing that the wall wasn't making the kind of sound she expected from wood. In fact, even the floor felt strange under her feet. She reached down and touched it. It was cold, like stone.

Carefully she stumbled to her feet and felt around to make sure she was still next to the wall.

"Hello? Professor?"

She called out, now more concerned that angry, but her voice died immediately, confirming she was still in the small space.

It took her a few moments to move around the little room. She was sure she was in the same amount of space she had guessed there would be in the wardrobe, but she had felt no door. The walls were smooth and cold, as if there were made of rock.

No protrusion, no lines, no gaps, just solid stone, as if this little box had been carved inside a mountain magically. No way in, no way out.

She felt herself begin to panic. What if she ran out of air? How did air get in here? Was she going to die? Was she already dead? Had Snape killed her by accident or was this part of the wardrobe? But the walls, they were too solid, there was no way out. No way out. No air, no escape. Would she be here forever?

She moved around, trying to controller her breathing and stepped into a wall, falling on her backside. She quickly stood up again and walked in the other direction, bumping into another wall. Were they getting closer? Were they going to close in on her and flatten her in the darkness?

She screamed out of desperation. Nothing.

She screamed again, louder. Still nothing.

She continued to scream, as much as she could, tears flowing down her cheeks as she desperately felt up the walls, over and over, looking for a way out.

Eventually, her screams turned to sobs as she lost her voice.

She slumped down and hid her face in her knees, sobbing into them, her throat burning from all the screaming.

She wanted to die. She wanted it to end. The darkness was too much for her to handle, the cold walls were everywhere and she swore she could start to hear her own heart beat.

Was she going crazy?

Something moved.

She stopped; her heart beating like it had never beaten before.

"H-hello?"

She croaked, her voice broken.

There it was again, like cloth shuffling against the floor of the room. Closer than last time.

Merula clawed her way back until she hit the edge of the room, her breathing static, her eyes darting back and forth in the darkness, trying desperately to find the source of the movement even if she couldn't see it.

"Who is it?"

She whispered at the end of her mental limits.

A calm voice came back, one that made every muscle in her body tense up. Like a wave crashing into the side of a mountain all the fear and anxiety that had built up inside her dissipated to nothing.

"It's Anon"

Silence took over the darkness for what seemed like an eternity.

"A-Anon?"

"Merula, you need to wake up"

"W-What? I don't…"

"Why do you hate me?"

His words were coated in what seemed like sadness. Words that she herself had imagine him say countless times in her imagination. She reached out in the darkness.

"I don't hate you! I don't hate you Anon! I love you! I love you!"

"You love me?"

"Yes!"

She screamed with what little force she had left in her throat, her emotions building up and taking control of her once more.

"I love you so much!"

There was a hesitation.

"Then why did you bully me? Why did you insult me during our first years? I would have been your friend. I wanted to. I thought… you hated me…"

Each word stabbed at her soul like a dagger coated in poison. Tears streamed down her cheeks.

"I was never told what to do when you like someone! I've never had anyone! My parents were never there… I wanted you to notice me! I wanted you to love me! I didn't know… I didn't know…."

She said, continuing to cry with every ounce of her essence.

Her sobbing filled the room as Ymous remained in silence.

"I'm sorry…"

She whispered, her throat impeding her from talking any longer.

"I'm…. sorry…"

She slumped down against the wall behind her. She was emotionally exhausted. There was nothing else she could do. Her body had given up. All she could do was cry.

"You expect me to forgive you? After everything you have done to me? You think I'm going to just give up on my girlfriend because you now, years into knowing each other, decide to tell me about your feelings?"

A cold wave blanketed Merula as she continued to cry.

"You have insulted every single friend I have. Tried to kill me, tried to stop me from finding out about my own brother, just because you wanted to be powerful and yet still managed to fail at everything. You are pathetic and you don't deserve me. You don't deserve anyone or anything."

For the first time since she entered the wardrobe, she felt something touch her, grabbing her chin and lifting her head. She couldn't see, but she was sure that a few inches away, Ymous was looking at her.

"And the best part is that you know it. You know you'll be alone forever. No one to love you, no one to hug you, no one to ever care about you."

The hand threw her face to the side and she heard it take a couple of steps to the side.

"The world would be better off without you in it. I hope you die Meurla"

And just like that, she was alone again.

The silence enveloped her, only broken by the occasional sound of her breaths.

She sat, unmoving, as time flowed by. Each breath was a toll on her soul, a small claw that ripped into her essence.

There was nothing left, nowhere to hide, nowhere to go, nowhere to escape, and nothing she could fix. She was worthless, a waste of space.

A wooden door echoed somewhere and light poured into the room.

Merula didn't look up, her gaze was glazed over. Her mind had left her body.

Something picked her up as she faded into nothingness.


	2. Chapter 2 - History repeats itself

**Chapter 2 – History repeats itself**

Light blinded her as she opened her eyes. There had been no dreams, no emotions. She was sure she had fallen asleep, but she hadn't rested. She had just lay, her body off, her mind silenced, her soul damaged. As her eyes adapted, she slowly looked around. Shelves aligned the walls, covered in books and jars of abstract looking things.

The room smelled clean, but old, like a library. In the corner, a chimney crackled gently giving the room a cosy feeling.

"About time you came to your senses"

Said a calm voice from the desk next to the fireplace. As Merula sat up, her body stiff, she realized that Snape was sat in a chair, looking at the fireplace, his back towards her.

She reached up, rubbed her eyes and then brushed her coloured fringe to the side.

"Pro…fessor?

She began but stopped the moment her memories caught up with her conscious.

The wardrobe, Snape, the darkness, Ymous, the sadness, the nothingness.

She felt like she should say something, get angry and complain anything. But nothing came. She sat in silence.

"A powerful experience, is it not?"

Merula stared at the back of the man's head in silence. The crackling of the fire filled the room.

"A mirror that reflects the deepest desire of those who look into it, and its brother, the wardrobe that envelops who enters in their deepest fear"

They shared another moment of silence until Snape stood up and proceeded to prod the fire gently.

"Tell me Merula, what did you see in there?"

The fire crackled. Merula looked down at her hands. Small and pale.

"There was… Nothing. I was trapped… in a… space, with no exit. Alone. Well, not exactly alone, um… Ymous was there, he…"

She trailed off as her heart began to swell in pain at the memory of his words. A tear rolled down her cheek.

Snape sighed and slowly turned around. Where there was usually a stern and almost annoyed face, was now a calm, warming, but overall, sad face.

"You love him, don't you?"

Merula slowly peered up at him, taken back slightly. Her mind wasn't prepared for this, but somehow, she managed to answer.

"Y-Yes…"

She croaked almost in pain, not realizing how close she was to bursting into tears again.

For a moment, they peered into each other's eyes. Both in silence, sharing an emotion that only two people robbed of the only thing they required in life could come to know.

The realization of the situation hit Merula.

"Professor… you…"

Snape sighed, looking down and turned back to the fire.

"Her name was Lilly. The prettiest girl you could imagine. She had her flaws, mind you, but to me, she was like a goddess. Someone to adore and follow in life. Someone I wanted- no, needed in my life. But… there was nothing I could do. She ended up with… Potter"

He explained, the last name coated in venomous hatred.

"I…. I'm sorry"

Merula muttered, not sure how to answer.

Snape sighed again.

"My time has passed Miss Snyde. There is nothing I can do now. I chose the wrong paths in life and condemned myself to the life I live. I am at peace with it… to an extent."

Merula didn't answer. A thousand thoughts flowed through her mind, but one stood out.

"Why did you put me in there?"

She asked in a low voice.

Snape hesitated a moment and turned around to look at her again.

"From the first moment I saw you in class together, I knew you had feelings for that boy. It was clear as day. At first, I didn't care, but then… I saw him start to frequent that other girl. You changed Miss Snyde. Whereas before you were always up to no good, you suddenly became more passive. Where you once showed great promise, you started to slip."

Snape hesitated again and took a step towards her, leaning in.

"Your eyes carried the same look of loss that I have only ever seen before in my own eyes"

Merula blinked.

Snape straightened up and began to pace around the room.

"Don't you see Merula? Everything you are going through, I have been through!"

He explained, turning to her and pointing at himself towards the end.

Merula blinked at him and then lowered her head.

"So… that's it? I've lost?"

The fire crackled and a crow let out a screech somewhere in the distance.

"What does your heart tell you?"

Came Snape's voice in a low tone. His words and voice completely polarized from the harsher and colder appearance that he always bore. This wasn't Professor Snape talking, it was Severus. The lonely, sad and freighted boy that had lost everything.

"It… I…"

Merula's mind raced as she flickered through all of her thoughts and emotions. She saw Panny and Ymous kissing, his eyes full of disgust towards her. She saw herself, alone at Christmas on the side of the Slytherin table as the other laughed and opened presents. His face of triumph when he beat her when they duelled. She saw herself walking alone to Hogsmeade, peering in through one of the windows of The Three Broomsticks, seeing everyone having fun, drinking and sitting next to the fire as she shivered in the snow.

Tears rolled down her cheeks.

The day she heard they had begun to date. The first kiss she saw them share and the pain she had felt, the stab at her soul.

She closed her eyes.

A final image came up in her head, but this one stayed.

His eyes, close to hers, looking down at her. Behind him, a middle-aged woman with a child in her arms. A child with the same lock of coloured hair she had.

Ymous's old mouth was twisted in a smile. A smile that transmitted a whole life of love together.

A life she was about to give up on.

She opened her eyes and sniffed. She wiped away the tears and looked up at Snape. His eyes were focused on hers.

They shared a moment of silence.

"I'm not giving up professor. I love him. I need him."

The fire crackled.

Snape grinned. A grin that greatly resembled his normal cold persona, but this one had emotions behind it.

"That, Miss Snyde, is why I put you in the wardrobe"


	3. Chapter 3 - Free Bird

**Chapter 3 – Free Bird**

A couple of days had passed since Merula had woken up in Snape's room. Of course, no one had even realized she had gone.

She had had a lot of time to think. To analyze her situation. Study what routes she could take now.

Snape had left her with a lot of information to process, but he had also managed to rekindle the flame that had gone out inside of her, rekindled, but small.

Even so, she found herself getting up and doing day to day chores with a new found wind.

She felt something she hadn't felt since she first joined Hogwarts, the will to prove herself. To stand out, to gain control and become someone everyone wanted to be.

That would show her parents. That would show all the students that mocked her behind her back. And when she had shown them all, when there were all looking up to her, she would have _him_.

She looked over at him during their flying classes.

He was doing loops over and over, making Penny laugh as he made silly faces.

Merula smiled. For a moment she forgot that it wasn't directed at her, but the brief happiness she felt fill her soul momentarily warmed her insides before she was pulled back to reality.

Before anyone saw her smiling and wondered if there was something wrong with her, she shifted her mouth back to its usual position of annoyance.

She paused for a moment and sighed. She held the front part of the broom, leant forward and shot towards the horizon.

Wind swooshed by her, filling her ears. She zoomed past the school and out over the forbidden forest. The low sun lit up the clouds with an orange tint. She closed her eyes, letting the broom follow its path to nowhere.

For a few moments, her mind was quiet, focusing only on the sound of wind in her ears. She could feel the flame inside her start to burn brighter.

This is what she needed.

Merula opened her eyes to find herself next to a flock of birds, flying towards the sun on the horizon.

They slowly formed a V shape in the sky as she watched them.

They were free; free to fly wherever they wanted.

She adjusted herself to follow them from behind, gently slowing down and watching them continue on their path of pure liberty until they were but a speck in the distance.

Content with her little moment of soul repairing peace, she gently turned her broom around and flew back towards the school grounds.

When she arrived, Madam Hooch was waiting for her.

Merula dismounted next to her and hang her head, waiting for her reprimands.

"Young lady, do you have any idea how far up and how far away you were flying? Not to talk about the speed you were going at!"

"Yes Madame Hooch"

Merula said, awaiting her anger.

"It's a miracle you didn't fall off! How did you manage it?"

The young girl raised an eyebrow and looked up at her.

"What?"

"I don't think even seventh years could fly like that and come back looking as unshaken as you have. Miss Snyde, have you ever thought of playing Quidditch?"

Merula's eyes widened.

"Q-Quidich?"

"Slytherin could use a seeker with your abilities on the broom. How would you feel if I recommended you to the team?"

She said energetically with a grin.

Merula blinked.

"I-I would love it!"

She said suddenly, agreeing without fully realizing the massive scale of what she was agreeing to.

Hooch smiled.

"Very well, expect an owl soon"

She said, and walked off, but not before turning around one last time.

"Oh, and 20 points to Slytherin for that fantastic flying! But a word to the wise, don't do that again without permission, or I'll take double from you"

Merula's heart inflated like a balloon.

"Yes, Madame Hooch!"

She was then left alone in the middle of the empty field, a gentle breeze flowing over her, rustling her short hair.

She was smiling to herself.

A seeker! House points! This new feeling of… accomplishment. It was amazing. It was filling. She had to remember to thank Snape.

In fact… she was going to go and talk to him now.

She turned around and rushed back to the castle. If anyone were looking, they would have said that she had a certain joyful skip to her run.

Merula entered the potions class. Snape was tutoring a couple of first years. Either that or torturing, it wasn't entirely clear.

"I hope you have a good reason to barge into my classroom without an invitation Miss Snyde?"

Came a dry, taunting voice from the blackboard.

Merula nodded.

"Yes sir, I have some news about…"

She trailed off, looking at the two little first year Gryffindors looking at her, their eyes wide with fear, no doubt Snape's doing.

"…About the potion of truth you asked us to brew"

She said slyly.

Snape's face didn't change, but his nose wrinkled slightly.

"Very well. You two, you are free to go. Don't let me ever catch you scraping your vials clean instead of brushing them, do you understand?"

"Yes, sir!"

They exclaimed, both in unison and fear, as they stood up and fled the classroom.

Snape looked back at her with a sly grin.

"I see you have become a much better liar"

"I learn from the best"

She said with a grin to match his own. She could have sworn he snorted slightly.

"Follow me"

Like the previous time, he lead her to the room full of doors, turned them into 3, but this time lead her into the first room on the left, his bedroom, the room she had woken up in.

He took a chair from against the wall and placed it in front of the fire, gesturing her to sit down.

She did so with a smile.

"Thank you"

Without a word, he pulled one over for himself and returned to his desk. From one of the draws, he retrieved two small glasses and a transparent bottle, without a label, full of light orange liquid.

He poured both glasses until they were half full and sat down next to her, offering her one of them.

"I don't drin-"

"You do now"

He said sternly, but on his face was a grin, almost mocking her.

Merula's internal pride flared up. She took the glass and downed it in an instant.

She instantly began to squirm as her throat started to burn as if she had drunk fire.

Snape watched, amused, as he sipped his own gently.

"What was that!?"

She complained a few minutes later when she could feel her tongue again.

"A real drink"

He put simply.

"What did you want to talk to me about?"

Merula licked her lips a couple of times, the horrid taste still in her mouth, but managed to snap back to the situation and her eyes widened when she remembered what she had to tell him. With almost child-like enthusiasm, she began to tell Snape about what had happened on the training grounds.

He sat there, listening to her in silence with a warming smile on his face as he occasionally sipped his drink.

"…and on top of that, I got 20 house points!"

She finished with a grin.

Snape finished his drink and smiled warmly at her.

"So, a seeker eh? I can't wait to see you win some games for us. God knows the blasted Gryffindors have been winning for too long. In any case, I'm glad you are feeling better. When you left here the other day I was… unsure what was going through your mind."

He said, lowering his voice at the last part.

"Yea…"

Merula started, looking at the fire crackle.

"When I was in the sky, next to those birds, I felt free. There was nowhere I couldn't go, nothing I couldn't do. For the first time ever I felt like… How to put it… As if life wasn't about wandering around aimlessly, but more about reaching a goal"

Snape raised his eyebrows slightly.

"Oh? And what goal is that?"

Merula grinned. It was a grin she hadn't used in a long time. It was the grin she had when she first joined the school. When she thought she was the best.

"I want to become the best. And I want Anon to love me"

"Oh really?"

Snape said, leaning back, amused.

"And how are you going to achieve that?"

"I'm going to duel him again! And this time I'm going to win! That will show him and that bitch-"

"You can't beat him"

Snape interrupted dryly.

Merula looked at him, almost annoyed.

"What? Why?"

Snape stood up and poured himself another glass in silence, much to her annoyance.

"You are weak. He has learnt a lot of new spells. His confidence is backed by his abilities. You have the potential, but lack the skills"

Merula paused.

"So what can I do?"

She asked simply.

Snape sat down again, crossed his leg, placed the glass on his knee whilst still holding it and looked at her.

"What are Slytherins famous for?

He asked her.

The young girl hesitated a moment and tilted her head to the side.

"Being powerful?"

"True, but why are they powerful? Are they just more magically gifted? Wouldn't that make everyone want to be part of Slytherin? What separates us from the rest?"

Merula pondered on it, but then remembered Dumbledore's speech, introducing to the houses in her first year.

"We are… cunning and… resourceful…"

She said, realizing on the last word what he meant, widening her eyes.

Snape grinned.

"What you need, is an unfair advantage"

"Yup, yes. I agree"

She said quickly, nodded and looked around, hesitated, and then looked at Snape.

"So how would I go about getting that professor?"

For the first time she knew of, Snape let out a chuckle. It was warm and caring. She felt that this man was not the professor she had come to know.

"I'm going to tutor you. In private. I'm going to teach you some new skills. Nothing special, just enough to be able to beat Ymous. This, of course, is to be kept an absolute secret between you and me, if anyone asks, I will deny it. Is this understood?"

He asked, leaning in towards her.

Merula took it in and paused for a moment, processing the information, but then slowly nodded her head.

"Good. Your classes will begin tomorrow evening after your last class of the day. Be sure to come prepared. I will not tolerate you wasting any of your potential"

Merula nodded again, but then opened her mouth.

"Um… professor? After beating him, well, how is that going to make him love me? Won't that just make him hate me more?"

Snape grinned again.

"Worry not. I'm going to teach you more than just spells."


	4. Chapter 4 - Dreams

**Chapter 4 - Dreams**

Merula walked down the cobblestone path as it rained around her. She was nervous and her heart was beating.

She had finally received an owl from the Quidditch team, inviting her to come join one of their practices to test her skills.

As she approached the training grounds, she saw the Slytherin team huddled up together.

"Ah, you must be Merula"

Said a tall student with an armband on turning around as she approached them. He must be the captain.

"That's me"

She said reaching them.

"This is the new potential seeker? Don't make me laugh, I bet she can barely take off!"

Said a large dark-skinned student from next to the captain.

He had a buzz cut and muscles that bulged through his robe.

She threw him a dirty look.

"Shut up Jamal, give the girl a chance"

Replied the captain, who smiled at her.

"Follow me"

Merula walked over to his side, aware of Jamal studying her as she passed, she returned the disgusted look. The pair walked toward the centre of the field. He was carrying small box under his arm.

"Hooch says you are a very good flyer. Confident, skilled and willing to take chances. Those are all essential skills for a seeker."

Merula listened and nodded her head as he stopped to look at her.

"Not very talkative, eh? First-time nerves? Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be fine. I assume you know how Quidditch is played?"

Merula nodded again, remembering the countless nights she had dreamt of herself being the world's best Quidditch player.

"Good, that will save me time explaining this"

He said as he opened the box. Suddenly, a little golden nut with wings shot out of it and flew into the distance. She could barely make it out anymore.

"Well then? What are you waiting for? Come on!"

The captain laughed.

Merula suddenly realized that her test had already begun. She jumped on her broom and before it touched the flood she was in the air, as fast as she could push the broom.

She flew towards where she had last seen it and slowed down, looking around. It was hard to see in the rain, but in the corner of her eye, she saw something shimmer.

An instant later she was off in its direction, drawing closer.

There it was, hovering a few feet away. She moved in to grab it, but in an instant, it dashed away from her.

Frustration started to boil inside of her and she switched to her angry side.

She shot off toward it in pursuit, following it closely as it sored through the sky.

It was right in front of her. She reached out, inching little by little, flying faster and faster.

A few more inches, a little more. Her hand reached out and finally, with a final push, she managed to grab it.

She leant back in triumph and at that moment realized she had been flying straight up, above the clouds.

Not only that, but she was looking up at the sky. As she leant back, she lost her grip and flung her broom away by accident.

Her heart skipped a beat as suddenly she started to fall, the air rushing by as she desperately scrambled for anything to hold onto.

"Help! Ah!"

She screamed as she fell, kicking and flailing in the hopes that one of the team members would hear or see her.

She traversed the clouds, soaking her and plummeted out of the other side. She could see the grounds below her. The team was nowhere to be seen.

This was it, there was no way out.

She began to cry. Not from sadness, but frustration. There was so much more she wanted to do, so much she wanted to accomplish. She was going to show anon the extent of Merula Snyde, but now she was going to die.

She closed her eyes as the ground drew dangerously closer, waiting for the moment to arrive.

Suddenly, something slammed into her, grabbing her from behind and the earth tilted downwards from view.

She looked behind her to realize someone had caught her as she fell from above and angled the broom just in time to miss the ground.

But their speed was too much and they still crashed into the ground, albeit, with a lot less force than she would have originally.

After rolling aggressively for a few yards, she came to a stop.

She let out a long exhausted breath and tried to control her breathing as she heard the Slytherin team run towards them in the distance.

But before she could sit up, a hooded figure was beside her, crouched down.

"Are you ok?"

Came a male's voice from inside. She peered under the hood to see a face with freckles observing her with a worried expression.

"I… think so?"

She said softly as he helped her up.

When she was back on her feet she looked carefully at the man.

He had red hair and a serious face, but he was smiling now. A smile that warmed her up inside.

Her emotions suddenly caught up with her like a hammer to her head and she felt the overwhelming need to cry.

There was no doubt in his actions as he embraced her in a hug, pulling her close and wrapping his arms around her.

She began to sob, uncontrollably, clenching his chest and burying her face in it, crying as hard as she could.

This wasn't only about the fall, this was all of the stress she had been going through lately.

This man made her feel safe for some reason. She was letting down her guard as she snuggled as hard as she could into his embrace, wanting to hide from reality and disappear into this position for hours.

"Merula! Are you ok!?"

Cane the captain's concerned voice.

"It's ok Ryan"

Said the unknown saviour.

"She's just shaken up, that's all"

"Charlie... you saved her life"

Charlie. That was his name. She felt her emotions swelling back down inside her and she pulled away, rubbing her eyes gently.

"T-Thank you, Charlie…"

She managed to croak, strangely nervous.

He smiled and placed a hand on her arm gently.

"Don't mention it. Are you sure you are ok?"

She peered into his eyes and for a moment felt peace. She let out a breath.

"Yes. I'm ok.

She turned to the Slytherin captain.

"Here, the Snitch"

She said, dumping the little orb in his hand, slightly frustrated they hadn't seen her fall.

"Oh, right, you actually caught it, but Merula, you almost died, on your trial. I'm not quite sure we can take you on"

He said, raising an eyebrow slightly.

Merula's heart sank slightly upon hearing it and she sank her head. She had been through a terrifying situation, but that didn't mean she wanted to give up on her Quidditch dream.

"Just a second there Ryan"

Came Charlie's voice from her side.

"You didn't see her flying. It was amazing. Nothing could stop her. I was out on a few flying rounds when I noticed her soaring up into the sky."

He looked at her.

"I've never seen such dedication. I know this goes against my whole situation, being the Gryffindor captain and all, but give her another chance. This girl is the best seeker you are going to find. If you don't want her, I'll take her!"

He chuckled slightly.

She stared at him, her mouth almost hanging open in awe. In a matter of minutes, he had saved her life and possibly one of her dreams as well.

He noticed and winked at her.

She blushed and immediately questioned her response. Why was she blushing from being winked at by this, rather attractive, man?

Ryan looked at her for a moment, thinking.

"Ok, I'll talk with the team and we'll reach a conclusion. You'll get an owl soon"

He said to Merula and walked back.

Jamal hanged back for a moment and nodded at her, his face different from before. Whoever Charlie was, his name carried some weight.

"Are you sure you are ok?"

Charlie asked after they had left

"Oh, yes, very sure I'm sure!"

She said awkwardly. Charlie giggled.

"That was quite a fall, I don't think many people have managed to survive something like that!"

"Yea… Thanks again for saving me and all…"

She said, diverting her eyes away from his gaze.

"Merula was it? Why don't you go back to the castle and have a shower?"

Merula sighed. He would probably forget she existed in a few minutes.

"Yea, sure…"

She said and turned around, headed towards the field entrance.

"Would you like to meet up later for a drink in Hogsmeade?"

Merula froze. She turned around just to make sure it was him who had said that.

"Me?"

Charlie chuckled.

"Are you sure you are sure you are sure you are ok?"

She grinned at his answer without even realizing it.

"Yes, that sounds nice"

"It's a date then"

He said, getting onto his broom. He winked at her and shot off into the sky.

The rain had stopped. She watched him disappeared into the distance as a new emotion blossomed inside of her.

* * *

After the shower, she sat on her bed, a towel wrapped around her head.

What to wear. She really only had her school clothes. Was that enough for a trip like this?

She thought back to when she had looked into the Hogsmeade windows.

Most of the girls had been wearing nice "going-out" clothes. She remembered Penny's long sundress from last year and how Anon had been drooling over her.

Anon. The thought of him suddenly seemed alien to her. She still felt her undivided love towards him, but it was different this time.

She blinked and looked at the time. She was going to be late if she didn't leave now.

Without thinking about it too much she put on a grey skirt and a sweater with the house logo over her heart and left the girls dorm.

In the common room, Anon was sat with Rowan and Barnaby. Her heart fluttered slightly seeing his face laughing but she did her best to ignore him and walk towards the entrance door.

"Hey Merula"

She winced, took a breath and turned around.

"What do you want?"

She spat, emphasizing the "you" as she turned to face Ymous.

"I heard you were trying out for the Quidditch team."

"So what? I told you I am the best player at Hogwarts. It was only a matter of time before they-"

"Good luck"

What? She was caught off guard. She blinked momentarily. He had wished her good luck. He wasn't smiling, but he didn't seem to have any kind of hatred towards her. It didn't feel like he was mocking her.

"Whatever, just make sure to cheer for me from the stands"

She said in a huff and left the room, her heart racing. What was that about?

Her mind exploded with thoughts as she rushed to Hogsmeade.

Charlie was already there, sat at a table. Thankfully, he had chosen a Gryffindor sweater, so she didn't feel out of place in her one.

She entered and sat down next to him.

"Merula! I was beginning to think you weren't coming!"

He grinned.

"Sorry I was, um, stopped by someone for a moment"

She said dully. Why did her mind seem to fail to think when she was with him?

He smiled.

"Don't sweat it. Butterbeer?"

For a moment she had no idea what he was talking about, but then remembered where she was.

"Oh, yes, please"

She watched as he stood up, smiling as he nodded at her, and walked towards the bar.

She looked around. Everyone was laughing and talking. It was full of people. A fire roared in the chimney against one of the walls.

From somewhere, music was playing. Lively music that made the small pub feel much more welcoming.

She looked towards one of the windows, remembering herself peering through it from outside, covered in snow. Watching everyone have fun. She remembered secretly wishing she could be one of them. One of those people smiling. One of those people with a happy life and people that cared for her.

Why was she here? She had no friends. No one would care for her like they did for others. What was the point? This was stupid, she could be at home wandering the corridors alone, she could-

"Merula?"

She blinked and looked up. Charlie's face was momentarily concerned as he placed a butterbeer in front of her.

"Am I going to have to ask you again if you are ok?"

He grinned.

She suddenly felt like crying again. She fought against the tears, smiled back best she could as she swallowed the tears and picked up the glass.

She had made a friend.


	5. Chapter 5 - The Calm before a Storm

**Chapter 5 – The Calm before a Storm**

"Again!"

Yelled Snape, lifting his wand arm.

Merula looked up at him, sweating.

"Again? Are you crazy? I need to rest!"

She complained, bending over and resting her hands on her waste as she desperately tried to catch her breath.

Snape grinned slightly, ignoring her, and blast another fireball towards her. She narrowly managed to dodge it by jumping away. The blast still managed to char her tights.

"Another hole? That's it!"

She screamed in anger as adrenaline took over.

The had been practicing for what seemed like hours during one of Snape's "Private Tutor Sessions"

She stood up in a huff.

"Stop! That's it! I give up, I'm sick of this and you!"

She said as she stomped towards the door of the second chamber in Snape's private section. The teacher in question observed her reaction as she struggled to open the locked door.

"So that is the depth of your dedication? A few scars and scratches and you give up? Are you sure you want to beat Mr. Ymous in a duel?"

He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Merula glared at him for a few seconds and then diverted her gaze.

"Of course I do! But all I've been doing since we started is dodging your stupid magic! When are you going to teach me any spells?"

Snape sighed, rubbing his temple.

"As you wish. Come here."

He said. Something flashed in his eyes. Something Merula couldn't quite identify. As she approached him, she realized his body was rigid.

"Miss Snyde. The spell I am about to teach you is one that could potentially kill someone"

He explained bluntly, looking her directly in the eyes.

"The reason I have been putting you though all this training is because I need to know you can control yourself, one slip up, and you kill Ymous. Is that something you think you could deal with?"

Merula gulped as her eyes glazed over. Anon's dead body flashed in her mind for a second as she saw her own face of terror and guilt from behind it.

"No…"

Snape looked at her, unblinking. After a few moments he began to pace from side to side, uncomfortably, but still retaining his natural grace.

"The spell is called Sectumsempra. It will cut your target with several magical slashes that you will have to learn to control as to not harm your target. As single slip up and you could kill whoever it is aimed at."

Merula swallowed. This was more than she was expecting.

"A-are you sure?"

Once more, Snape observed her in silence for a moment.

"I believe in you Merula, I…"

Snape hesitated and looked away.

"You remind me of myself at your age. I don't want you to go though the same things I did"

Merula felt her heart tip at his words, remembering her insults towards him earlier.

"I understand professor. Thank you"

She said awkwardly, looking away.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Snape cleared his voice.

"Let's begin"

"You were with Snape again?"

Asked Charlie as they walked down the hallway.

"He's… tutoring me in potions after class, I'm not very good"

Merula said, trying to draw as little attention to herself as she could. Lying to him felt bad.

A week had passed since they had met. He had continued to seek her out and invite her to join him. It still felt alien to her to walk around next to someone who genuinely wanted to spend time with her.

"Not good at potions? A Slytherin? You have to be kidding"

He grinned.

They left the building though the front doors and walked through the entrance plaza. It was a lovely day, despite the cold.

A blue sky welcomed them as they walked towards the training grounds.

"Are you sure you want to fly around with me? You are the Gryffindor captain after all"

Merula asked, tilting her little head to the side.

Charlie nodded.

"Why not? We're friends, aren't we? It's not like I'm going to be discussing our strategies with you!"

Merula smiled gently. Why did this idiot make her feels so cosy inside?

When they were far enough, they mounted their brooms and in a matter of minutes had taken off, gently soaring into the sky. They flew side-by-side, slow enough that they could casually talk.

"Say Meru, I don't know much about you… Where did you grow up?"

Asked Charlie from the broom beside her. Merula winced. Memories of the orphanage popped into her head, taunting her as the other children had done back then.

"I… Don't want to talk about it"

She eventually answered, looking away.

Charlie looked confused.

"Fair enough… What do your parents do for work?"

Two faceless adults screaming at nothing in the darkness ran through her mind.

"They are…. Dead"

She said simply.

Charlie rolled his eyes without her noticing.

"Wow, am I good at messing up or what?"

Merula couldn't help but smile gently at his comment.

"I know something that you will like!"

Charlie proclaimed and Merula looked over at him.

"I'll race you to the entrance of the forbidden forest, looser has to buy the winner dinner"

Merula's eyes shone.

"You're on!"

* * *

"Sectumsempra!"

The young witch chanted and several ghost-like slashes cut into a nearby mannequin.

The blades cut the fabric around the wooden figure but didn't scrape the wood at all.

Snape walked over, inspected it carefully and then looked at her.

"Very good Miss Snyde, you seem to have mastered the spell"

Merula grinned in triumph.

"It was just a matter of time"

Snape smiled warmly.

"You have achieved quite an admirable progress in your short time with me, you should be proud of yourself"

Merula blinked. That was the first time he had complemented her like that.

"T-Thank you, professor. I wouldn't have been able to do it without your help."

Snape nodded.

"Come with me, there is one last thing we need to do"

A few minutes later they were sat in his office, sitting in front of the fire as the rain outside pattered against the window. They each had a glass in their hands and were drinking merrily together as they discussed her training and other aspects of her ever-growing life.

Merula looked at Snape as he talked of his youth, observing how his face slowly became happier as he recounted some of the better moments of his past.

There was so much she wanted to learn from him. She wanted to share all of her achievements with him, all of the special moments.

Was this what It was like to have a father?

The thought crossed her mind and pulled at her heartstrings.

"Are you ok Merula?

Came Snape's voice from miles away. She unglazed her eyes to find him standing over her.

"I think you have drunken too much young girl. Time for bed"

She smiled as he stretched out a hand to help her up.

Merula's eyes blurred as tears threatened to form in the corners. She took his hand, standing up and without giving him a chance to act, she hugged him, like a daughter would hug a father who loved her.

Snape hesitated for a moment, but wrapped his hands around her and embraced her in silence.

The fire crackled and the rain tapped on the window as the pair shared a moment that neither would ever forget.

* * *

The heavy rain blinded her vision as she desperately tried to make out anything around her, much less a tiny golden orb that could wiz around at amazingly fast speeds.

Something large whooshed past her head.

She looked behind her and realized it was one of the Gryffindor team members flying towards their goal.

A loud horn filled the air and she could just about make out a crowd cheering over the sound of the rain.

She couldn't stay where she was, she had to move.

Aiming towards the stands to her left, she flew up close to them. The sound of booing filled her ears as she realized it was the Gryffindor stand.

Whatever, she tried to focus on the task at hand.

There it was. Something shinned in the middle of the field, close to the ground.

Without a moment to spare she dived down as fast as she could towards the little orb, narrowly missing the ground as she tilted her broom up to follow it.

She managed to avoid two players that were flying towards her and had to spin her whole broom around to dodge a Bludger that was following someone else. Another player slowly crept up beside her, the Gryffindor Seeker.

Not stopping to second-guess herself, she slammed into him, and pushed him off-course, managing to not loose speed in the process.

This was it, her chance to grab the snitch and win the game for them. The new Slytherin seeker would prove her worth in her first ever official match.

She reached out as far as she could. Everything around her seemed to slow down as she felt her fingers clench around the little cold orb.

She slid to a halt in the air, looping around twice and held up her arm, the snitch between her fingers.

Another loud horn rang throughout the field and the crowd roared.

She had done it, she had proven her worth.

She smiled like she had never smiled before as her teammates flew up to her, cheering and congratulating her.

Back on the ground, Charlie was waiting for her with a large grin on his face.

He extended his arm to her. She looked at it, back at him and took it in a warm handshake.

"Well played Meru, I knew you could do it"

She beamed a loving smile back at him, but before she could answer, Jamal picked her up from behind, hollering, and sat her on his shoulders and she was whisked away to spend the rest of the evening celebrating with the team.

Charlie watched them disappear with a smile and returned to his team.

* * *

"What are you planning Merula?"

Asked Charlie, struggling to catch up to her as she shoved people aside, her eyes burning with dedication.

Today was the day. Today was the day she beat Anon in a duel.

She stormed out of the front door and down the steps towards the young man and his friend who were talking beside the fountain.

She approached them, making herself very noticeable. They looked at her as she arrived.

"You! Anon Ymous. Duel me! This time you are going down!"

Anon looked at her and chuckled slightly.

"Come on Merula, we don't need to do this again. What makes you think you are going to beat me this time?"

Charlie finally managed to catch up and stood in front of her.

"Come on Merula, forget about this guy, there is no point in-"

"Again? Why can't you leave us alone?"

Came an annoyingly high-pitched voice from behind Charlie.

Merula shoved him aside to see Penny standing next to anon, looking at her in disgust.

The bitch. Anger swelled up inside of Merula. Anger and hate.

"What's the matter blondie? Afraid I'll whoop his ass in front of you?"

Penny looked at her annoyed.

"As if Anon would ever loose to the likes of you, you… you… harpy!"

Merula pulled out her wand and aimed it at her in the blink of an eye, but before she could do anything, Anon stood in front of Penny, protecting her with his body.

"This is between you and me Merula, leave her out of this"

Merula wanted to punch this asshole in the head and then kill Penny, yet she also felt like crying.

"Then duel me!"

Anon stared at her and turned around to Penny. He said something and walked towards Merula.

"Fine. If it will shut you up, then let's do this"

Merula grinned. This was it.

"Meru… what are you doing?"

Came a sad voice from beside her.

She looked over to see Charlie observing at her with sadness in his eyes. He was disappointed.

"This isn't the Merula I know. Why are you doing this?"

His words cut her deeply. She choked, her mind racing to figure out what to say. Deep down inside her, a voice talked. One she had never heard before.

Is this the right path?

She looked at Charlie. His disappointment sent waves of suffering though her body. This was the only person who had given her a chance and wanted to stay with her.

But this was who she was. Merula, the greatest witch in Hogwarts.

Why did she even feel for Anon anymore? Charlie was all she needed.

She looked at Anon. He was standing prepared, determined to beat her.

She then looked at Charlie, his caring face begging her to stop.

She breathed in and held the air in.

She slowly lowered her wand and turned around, avoiding everyone's gaze.

"I told you she was chicken"

Said Penny mockingly.

"Ignore her Meru, you did the right-"

Came Charlie's voice from beside her, but before he could continue, she interrupted him.

"Go away Charlie. Leave me alone"

She shuffled towards the way she had come out, leaving the redhead speechless.

"Geese, what is her problem?"

Continued Penny.

"You should totally stop hanging out with her you know, she-"

Started Penny towards Charlie but, in a similar fashion to Merula, cut her short to say.

"Shut up Penny"

And with that, he walked off to look for Merula.

* * *

Merula was sitting in a dark corridor, alone. Her face buried in her knees.

Her thoughts were racing.

Why had she given up so easy?

There was no doubt she would have beaten Anon. That would have shut up that bitch Penny.

But she didn't. She had chickened out and walked off.

Was it because of Charlie?

She remembered his face and his voice.

He worried for her. He really did.

But did he doubt her?

Did she doubt herself?

She didn't doubt her skills, but what about her emotions?

Had she fallen in love with Charlie?

She blushed slightly in the darkness.

He was kind to her, loving, caring, attentive, funny, reassuring and such a nice person. He would make a perfect partner but… Then there was Anon.

Her love for him had always been a pillar in her life for the last few years.

Even if she did feel for Charlie, she would never stop feeling for Anon. Was that cheating on Charlie? It wasn't fair on him.

She couldn't do it.

She couldn't even duel Anon, after all the training she had been though.

She shifted slightly as she begun to feel uncomfortable on the hard ground. She needed to find a better place to sulk, maybe a windowsill somewhere…

"Meru?"

She looked up.

The redhead sighed and sat down next to her without saying another word.

Without caring anymore, she rest her head on his shoulder and wrapped an arm around his, hugging it close.

"Want to talk?"

The little witch waited for a moment and shook her head in silence.

"Okay…"

Said the young man, reaching out and placing a hand on her knee, reassuringly.

The darkness felt less dark with him here.

Even the silence that surrounded them seemed to weigh less in her mind.

Everything was out of control in her life. She had no idea what her next step was. She didn't even know what she was doing here.

"I love you"

Came a whisper from her side. She slowly looked up, her eyes meeting his.

Her soul trembled upon hearing those words. Maybe she had misunderstood him; maybe he meant something else maybe….

She stared into his eyes. There was no maybe.

His eyes poured into hers as their faces edged closer and closer, heads turning slightly.

She closed her eyes and for a few moments, everything made sense again.


	6. Chapter 6 - The Chance

**Chapter 6 – The chance**

Merula winced slightly as Charlie took her hand.

"Come on Merula, you have be used to this by now"

Came the redhead's response to her reaction.

A week had gone by since he had admitted his feelings too her and they had shared a kiss.

They had started to meet more and more. Charlie slowly began to kiss her more often, something she could never get used to.

She looked at him, slightly flustered.

She liked him, there was no doubt about that, but did she love him?

She accepted his hand and he squeezed it slightly.

"See? It's good"

She nodded back, absentmindedly.

He was so nice. No, he was better than nice. Charlie was an angel in her life.

An angel she didn't deserve.

Thoughts of Anon filled her head as they walked down the hallway.

The gossip of their getting together had spread like wildfire around the school. The head of the Gryffindor's Quidditch team, the admired Charlie, and the Seeker/bully from Slytherin, Merula.

Everyone they passed gave them an amazed look, and she was painfully aware of it. Charlie on the other hand didn't even seem to notice. He was truly in love.

In such a short time he had treated her like a queen.

She had never experienced anything like it.

In her dreams she had imagined this situation, but with Anon, the love of her life. But her dreams were changing.

She had woken up that morning from a dream with Charlie.

They were holding hands, flying next to each other over the school grounds.

Part of her felt for Charlie. Being with him filled her with a certain tranquility and security that she couldn't find anywhere else. He made her laugh, made her feel safe and always seemed to know exactly what to say.

He was almost the best partner she could hope for. Almost.

She sighed gently.

It was the first time she had cared so deeply about someone other than herself. She didn't want to hurt him, he didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve him.

"Meru, you're doing it again"

He said softly from her side, squeezing her hand again.

More and more often she had found herself spacing out, lost in thought.

She looked up at him and admired his eyes.

"Wake up Merula, come back to reality"

He said as he snapped his fingers, chuckling.

Merula pulled her hand away from his.

"Charlie, I need to be… alone for a while"

She said, as low as she could manage.

Charlie's smile tuned to a frown.

"Are you ok? Was it something I said?"

Guilt flow through her body, she raised her hands to his face and held it gently.

"No, no. This is just all so… new to me, I need to think about some things, that's all"

Did she just say that? This was not like her at all. What was happening to her?

Charlie stared into her eyes for a few moments and then smiled again. His constant positivism was almost toxic to her.

"Sure, I understand. I'll be in the grand hall whenever you feel better"

He leant in and placed a kiss on her lips before turning around and walking away.

She felt a cold breeze flow over her. She didn't deserve this person.

He was so much better than her.

She was just Merula, the lonely witch who wondered the hallways alone, constantly thinking of ways to make Anon notice her.

She hung her head in what felt like shame.

She wanted to disappear, cease to exist, just… be nothing.

She wondered the hallways aimlessly like she used too, walking away from the sound of other people until she found herself in a section she had never been in before.

She didn't care. She was alone and that was all she wanted.

She found a corridor with a dead end. It looked like no one had come down here in centuries.

She brushed the flood with her feat and sat down, leaning against a wall.

The silence around her felt welcoming, like an old friend she hadn't seen in a long time.

She remembered the amount of times she had done this at different locations all around the castle. Always alone, always suffering inside.

That seemed like another lifetime. Now she had a boyfriend.

A boyfriend.

Charlie.

She sighed and sunk her face into her knees, her favourite position to hide from the world.

Charlie deserved better. The thought crossed her mind over and over.

But he didn't seem to be interested in anyone else.

All the time he made for her, all the sacrifices he had been though for her. He knew exactly how to control her temper.

All the constant anger she held seemed to dissipate when he was around, just like how he was always able to calm and control all those beasts he loved so much.

Was she just another beast? Not even human.

It would explain so much of her life.

"Merula?"

A blanket of ice wrapped around her as she slowly looked up.

"What on earth are you doing down here?"

Asked Anon, a few feet away from her, alone.

Merula looked at him, her heart burning like it had done when they had almost duelled.

She rest her head back on her knees.

"What do you care? When have you ever cared? Just… leave me alone"

She said, her voice almost cracking at the end.

There was a moment of silence.

"Is that what you think?"

She snapped her head up and looked at him.

She hadn't expected that answer.

"Y-yes. You're always… beating me at duels and having fun with everyone else and… probably making fun of me with them… I know you hate me"

She said, finding it hard to find the words.

Merula's heart skipped a beat as Anon sat down next to her and rest his back against the same wall.

Flashbacks to what had happened with Charlie in this same position a week ago crossed her mind, her breathing started to speed up.

"W-what do you think you are doing?"

She asked, and he looked at her, his gaze mesmerizing her.

"I don't hate you Merula. No one does. Well, maybe Penny… but I don't. And we have never made fun of you"

Merula stared at him, trying her best to hide her amazement.

"Analyze what you just said. I beat you when you duel me. You think we might make fun of you and you assumed I hate you."

"What are you saying?"

Anon sighed and rest his head against the wall, looking up at the ceiling.

"You brought everything on yourself. I can't speak for the others, but I don't hate you, in fact, during our first year I would have loved for us to be friends. But you always seemed so… distant and angry. I thought you didn't want to be friends so I left you alone"

She wanted to die. She had had the chance. The chance to have had a normal life, to have been with Anon, to have friends and be happy.

She had blamed everything on everyone else, not realizing that it was her own fault.

She wanted to say something, but her mind was frozen.

"I'm glad you are with Charlie now. He's a nice guy. He will help you out a lot."

Her throat dried up. She wanted to throw herself at him, cover him in kisses, hide in his essence and forget about the world, but her body wasn't responding.

He was there, everything was in front of her, but she couldn't act on her desires.

"It's a shame. I think we would have been good friends… but I guess you really do hate me…"

He said in response to her silence.

"N-no"

She croaked, fighting against her fears, and he looked at her with a puzzled face.

"You… don't?"

Merula shook her head. She couldn't bring her body to do anything else.

"But all this time… Everything you have done to me. You almost killed me Merula"

Her eyes began to swell. She was going to cry. Cry in front of Anon. She didn't want to, but there was nothing she could do.

They stared at each other as tears began to flood down her face.

"Merula?"

Asked Anon, shocked.

"What's wrong, are you ok?"

He was worried about her. She managed to slightly smile as she cried.

"I…"

She started, trying to force herself to get closer to him.

"I l…."

"Merula, seriously, what's wrong?"

He asked again, worried.

She couldn't do it.

This might be her last chance and she couldn't bring herself to say it.

Her body was frozen. Any moment now he was going to stand up and leave, weirded out by her.

"I've never seen you cry. Are you in pain? Do you need me to take you to the infirmary?"

She shook her head slowly, her eyes swollen as she stared into his eyes, trying desperately to force herself closer to him.

His eyes widened momentarily and then returned to normal.

He reached over and put his arms around her, embracing her gently.

"It's ok Merula, whatever is making you so sad, it will get better"

He whispered.

Time stopped. Everything around them ceased to exist as a girl who had nothing in life finally had everything she desired. A warm wave flow though her body as she loosened up, all the stress in her muscles vanishing as she melted in his grasp.

The tears flowed freely, making her feel pathetic, but she didn't care. She was aware that this would probably be her only and last chance to chase her dreams.

She put her arms around him and pulled him closer, pushing against his body, trying to get as close as humanly possible.

A hand rest on her head and began to stroke her hair.

She cried harder as he caressed her. Every single emotion she had ever felt crashing against her soul like a tsunami against a little island with a palm tree.

What felt like hours past as they sat there, away from the rest of the universe.

This was her last chance. She had to try, if not, she would regret it for the rest of her life.

She sat up and looked Anon, the makeup around her eyes running down her face. He looked at her in silence and then smiled.

"Feeling be-"

She kissed him.

Their lips joined for a few moments as every fiber in her body let go.

Her head spun and her soul glimmered as the shared the moment that she had dreamt of for so long.

Anon pulled away and looked at her startled.

"What the hell do you think you are…"

He began, but then studied the small witch in his arms, looking up at him, her longing for him in her eyes. Love like no other love could be described.

For some reason he couldn't quite explain himself, he leaned in and kissed her back, this time with passion.

Merula was. She was existing.

That was all she could feel. What was she supposed to feel when everything she wanted in life suddenly came true?

She accepted his kiss with her very essence, forgetting who she was and everything she had been though.

Memories of Charlie faded, the cursed vaults, the problems, her parents, her past and her future, everything simple melted away as their lips continued to find each other.

But, as always in her life, happiness was momentary.

A shriek filled the corridor.

"What the HELL do you think you are doing?!"

Came the angriest voice she had ever heard.

The pair part their lips and looked towards the entrance to see Penny standing here.

"Penny, I-"

Began Anon, but she took out her wand and aimed it at him.

"Shut up! And you!"

She said, pointing at Merula.

"I'm going to kill you!"

She said, waiving her wand before Merula could do anything. A bright light blinded her and she closed her eyes, but nothing came.

She opened them slightly to find that Anon was standing in front of her, a protection spell encasing them.

"No Penny, leave her out of this, it's my fault"

Penny looked at him, her mouth wide.

"You're protecting… her?"

She said, the hate in her words like venom, but it only took a moment for her to lose that edge and brake down.

"I… I hate you!"

She said, already beginning to cry and ran off.

Merula stood up and looked at Anon.

"I'm sorry this…"

"Stop, just… stop. We'll talk later"

He said, making the protection spell disappear and turned around to run after Penny.

Merula was left in the darkness once more.

He had chosen to go after Penny instead of staying with her.

She sat down again, her head spinning.

What just happened? Did he like her? Was he going to leave Penny for her? What was she going to tell Charlie?

Oh god, Charlie.

What had she done?

She felt frustration swell up inside her and tugged at her hair over and over, pulling strands of brown and orange tuffs at a time.

She was an idiot.

An idiot who was once more, alone in a corridor with nothing but regrets and doubts in her mind to keep her company.


	7. Chapter 7 - Before the step

**Chapter 7 – Before the step**

She wandered back. Her mind void of thoughts as everything that had happened raced through her.

She wasn't sure whether to be happy or not.

She had to face Charlie, there was no way he wouldn't find out, but what would he say?

She raised a hand to her forehand and rubbed her temple as she walked.

What would happen between her and Anon?

What was Penny going to do?

Before she realized it, she was back in the main hallways.

Spotting the open front doors, she took a step outside, deciding that the fresh air might do her good before she had to deal with… well, everything.

She walked down the main path, slowly.

A rock to her right caught her attention and she thought it would an ideal place to sit and think.

Weakly, she stumbled over and sat down on it, staring up at the cloudy sky. It was probably going to rain soon, but she still had time.

She adapted her favourite thinking position and curled into her knees gently, resting her head.

All she could do was wait. Prolong the calm around her now and wait.

Somewhere inside of her, she knew she should be worrying.

There was a chance that all was not lost, maybe Anon would dump Penny after their inevitable fight and decide to be with her.

Even if that didn't happen, maybe Charlie would understand and take her back, he was much better than nothing.

She pressed her eyes together as hard as she could, almost wishing one of them reality.

"Here you are…"

Said an exhausted Anon, walking down the steps towards her.

Merula looked up. She wasn't expecting him to appear so soon, or even appear at all.

"What are you doing here? I would have thought the blonde idiot would be chewing you out by now..."

"Yea… she locked herself in her house room and refused to come out. I thought we might as well talk for now"

Her heart skipped a beat and she looked up at him. His eyes shone slightly as he looked into hers.

"Merula… that kiss before… I enjoyed it"

She blinked as her heat began to race.

"I always thought you were cute, ever since the start, but obviously, like I said before, because of your, what seemed like hatred towards me, I backed away."

Was this it? Was he going to admit his feelings to her? Were her dreams going to become reality?

The sound of a house full of laughter and loving remarks filled her imagination as she envisioned a lifetime with him.

"The truth is… Merula… I…"

But before he could finish whatever he was going to say, a bolt of electricity slammed into him, sending him flying forwards a few feet, tumbling over and over before coming to a stop.

"Anon!"

Merula screamed as she looked to see where it had come from.

Above them, on some higher steps, was Penny, armed with her wand, messy hair and makeup smudged all over her face from crying.

"This is what you do?! I catch you cheating on me and the moment I need some time to think you come back to her?! Well, Fuck you Anon Ymous! And fuck you, bitch!"

She screamed, her words injected with loathing towards her as she turned to the Slytherin witch.

She flicked her wand and another bolt smashed into Merula, sending her flying, in a similar fashion to Anon.

She rolled around a few times and landed near the young man. He was alive but looked hurt.

"Merula… Penny… She-"

He said, but then let out a cough. He looked like he was in more than just pain.

The little flame that lived inside Merula took notice of his pain. She had protected this little flame throughout everything she had been through. It had kept her company during the hardest times and pushed her on whenever she needed motivation. It was her hope, her desires.

That flame was now a blazing fire. A fire that roared with the only intention of getting protecting the person she loved.

Straining every muscle she had left, she pushed herself to her knees, only to be smashed by another bolt that sent her flying further down the small hill they were on.

"Keep trying bitch"

Came the almost crazed voice of the little blonde witch.

"I can do this all day"

Merula took a deep breath and pushed herself again.

"It's over Penny, you've lost. He loves me"

She said, smirking as she struggled to her feat.

Penny's eyes widened.

"That's right. He was just about to tell me before you attacked us from behind, you idiot"

She said, spitting, her saliva tainted in blood, painting the grass below her.

"You're lying!"

Screamed the crazed girl and flung another bolt at Merula, but this time, the proud witch was ready. She deflected the bolt with a quick protection charm she had learnt from Snape.

Penny frowned and then blast another two in succession, but once more, the now slowly advancing girl deflected them.

"That's right, not so tough now, are you? No surprise attacks this time"

Penny took a step back, her face having lost all of its craze and quickly turning into fear. She took another step back but with a quick flick of her wand, Merula made the ground behind her explode.

"No, no. No running Penny, it's payback time"

Said Merula grimly as she raised her wand again. Penny raised hers, but with a quick timed spell, Merula made it fling out of her hand.

She was now on top o her, looking down at the frightened girl.

"I-I always knew you were a crazy psycho! Stay away from me!"

She screamed in fear.

People had started to gather close to the hill, alerted by the sounds of fighting, but Merula didn't care.

They were all going to witness firsthand how the greatest witch in Hogwarts saved the person she loved.

She grinned as she rolled up her sleeves, squatted down and punched Penny square in the nose, knocking her on her back.

"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to do this?"

She asked as she punched her again, and then again.

Over and over, she punched the defenceless girl who cried and screamed in pain with each punch.

Her brain raced, all the pent-up angst, all the hatred, all the stress and the problems. Her whole life, her parents, the orphanage, all the suffering, it was all worth it for this moment.

With a last breath, she punched Penny as hard as she could, the young girl rendered unconscious.

"Merula… stop…"

Came Anon's voice from behind her, but the witch hadn't finished.

"Don't worry Anon, this is my last spell, then we can live forever together and have children and I'll finally be happy!"

She said, laughing hysterically. She pointed the wand at the body in front of her and screamed.

"SECTUMSEMPRA!

At the same time, behind her, Anon yelled in pain.

"PENNY!"

Hundreds of small knives materialized into the air in front of Merula and proceed to fill the air with the sound of blades cutting as they attacked the blond girl from every angle, ripping her clothes to shreds and cutting her skin.

It wouldn't kill her, that was too easy, it would leave her scarred for life, that would teach her to mess with Merula again.

The blades continued to cut into the unconscious girl until something smashed into Merula, pushing her to the ground and ending the spell. Anon was staring down at her eyes, tears in the corners of his.

"Stop it! You fucking idiot!"

Merula blinked.

"I don't love you! I never have!"

Merula opened her mouth to talk, but nothing came out.

"I was going to say that I regretted the kiss! I don't love you! I love Penny! Why would I leave her for you after all the time we have been together?!"

He then smashed his forehead against hers, dazing her.

Anon stumbled to his feet and limped over to the body lying on the ground, blood pooling around her.

"Penny…. Penny!"

He repeated as he fell to his knees by her side.

"I'm sorry Penny… I'm sorry"

He said as tears flow down his cheeks.

"I never wanted this to happen… I love you, I always have…"

He said and rest his head against her chest to cry.

Merula sat up and looked at the pair, her eyes empty.

In the distance teaches run towards them.

* * *

Snape paced around his office as Merula sat on the only chair in the room, looking down at her feet.

The room was cold. The fire was out and the air was stale.

"You almost killed her. She is disfigured for life now, because of your actions. I told you to be careful!"

Merula said nothing.

Snape bang his fist against his table in anger.

"Why did you do it? Dumbledore has placed the blame on me for teaching it to you! You have single-handedly stopped me from advancing in my aim to becoming the next teacher for defiance against the dark arts for years! Probably forever! How could you be so stupid?"

He yelled at her. Again, Merula said nothing.

"And now look at you"

He said, leaning in and lifting her head forcefully to look at him.

"You are so prideful you won't even answer my questions, after everything I have done for you"

He flung her head aside and she let it fall limp, back to the position it was in before.

Snape turned around and tapped his feet impatiently.

"Get out of my office. Get out of my sight. If you ever so much as look at me without it being school related I will personally have you expelled. Leave. Now!"

Merula stood up and left the room without making a sound.

* * *

The grand hall was almost empty. A few lights hung above them as they sat in silence.

"Why did you do it?"

Came a voice that used to be full of warmth.

"You almost killed her"

Merula looked at the table in front of her, her eyes void of emotion.

Charlie looked away in frustration.

"Answer me Merula! I thought you loved me!"

The candles above them flickered, casting shadows to dance around them.

"Is this the real Merula? The one I had heard so much about?"

She didn't move.

"I always thought that they were just rumours, lies against you. I wanted to make you happy, prove to everyone that you were a good person… but I guess they were true?"

He said, trying his best to get a reaction from her, but his venom met nothing but emptiness.

He rolled his eyes and slammed his hands against the table, standing up.

"So be it. I'm done with you, and love in general for that matter. What a waste of time. Thank you, Merula, for proving to me that you can't change who someone is."

Charlie's footsteps faded into the distance as he left, leaving the husk of a girl behind, alone.

* * *

Everyone strayed clear of her as she shuffled around the castle. Rumours had spread like fire.

She had instantly been kicked from the Quidditch team, insulted by almost everyone and bullied by some of Penny's housemates on several occasions.

The few times she had come anywhere near Anon he went out of his way to avoid her.

Even Ben managed to look at her with hatred in his eyes.

She was alone, just like she was before, but this time, her dreams weren't there to keep her warm.

Ever since she had heard Anon's words over Penny's bleeding body, her soul had left her body.

She had died on the inside. Blood no longer flowing through her veins.

She picked up her broom and walked outside, mounting it and taking off into the sky.

She saw birds flying by, heading towards the setting sun, reminding her of the first time she had done this, but that time, she had felt the beauty of it. It had filled her with hopes and motivation.

Now it was nothing but space with things moving around in it.

Thunder roared in the distance and it started to spit, then rain, and then pour as she sat on her broom, floating above the castle, soaked.

But she couldn't feel it. The wet or the cold, nothing penetrated the husk she had become.

She slowly float back down to the ground and walked up the steps, passing by the place she had attacked Penny, the ground still covered in slashes, but she didn't even realize. She dragged the broom up the steps as it quickly became night and headed towards the front door. Her wet hair was covering her face, her orange lock almost hidden by it, her dripping makeup almost nonexistent.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Asked a tall student from another house.

She didn't even look up at him, she knew what was about to happen.

Between three of them, they pushed her to the ground and beat her until they couldn't be bothered to beat her any more, but even so, she still felt nothing.

After they left, laughing together, she slowly sat up, ignoring the pain coming from all over her body. A tooth lay on the ground and it took her a moment to realize it was one of her own. Blood dripped down her chin, but she simply continued to stand up, picked up her discarded broom and entered the school.

* * *

Her appearance caught the attention of a few students, but when they realized who she was, they all ignored her, some of them even cheering her bloodied clothes and beaten body.

As she dragged herself down the hallway but suddenly stopped. She wanted to be alone.

Looking around her, all she heard were students coming from all directions.

She looked up.

Above her, quite some distance up, there was a large oval window with a large windowsill.

A windowsill large enough for her to sit on.

Without giving it any more thought, she sat on her broom and began to float upwards.


	8. Chapter 8 - Another Open Window

**Chapter 8 Alternative – Another Open Window**

The rain continued to patter outside the castle as it had done constantly over the last few hours, but to Merula, it had felt like an eternity of rain.

She watched in silence as a black crow flew through the rain, seemingly unaffected by the harsh weather. But it was free, no matter what the weather was like. It could fly away, explore and be itself.

Merula shuffled slightly in her position on the large oval windowsill and hugged her knees together, resting her chin on them.

Laughter echoed up from the hallways below. Friends walked about, commenting on the classes and activities they had been delving in.

Friends. Something she would never have again.

An image flashed in her mind. Ymous laughing and walking away with his friends, the Indian know-it-all and the little miss perfect blond.

Then she saw his face, full of hate as he pinned her to the ground after she attacked Penny.

She suddenly, and violently, shook her head, as if to expel the thought from her mind, but it was quickly replaced by another image.

The dress she had saved up for, tucked away under her bed, scrunched up. Never worn. The one she had purposely brought for the Ball.

What little money she had to spare each month she had put away, sheepishly, knowing the day would come when she could prove to them all that she was not only the best witch but also the best looking.

She had rushed back to the castle with the dress clenched closely to her heart, her face much more alive than usual. She clambered down all the stairs to the dungeons only to catch something in the corner of her eye.

Ymous and Penny were in what would turn out to be their ball dresses, hidden in a corridor, embracing each other in a deep kiss.

She had stood there, an ocean of emotions overrunning her like a tsunami. It wasn't a light kiss, there was emotion, there were feelings, and there was love.

She wanted to kill them, separate them, hide, cry, punch and die, all at the same time. She let her hands fall to her sides, dragging her new dress behind her as she returned to the Slytherin common room.

It was the day she had found out they had started dating.

No one stopped her as she walked in with emptiness in her eyes, no one told her that the dress was hanging, in fact, she was invisible to them.

A tear gently rolled down her cheek as she remembered the kiss.

And then there was Charlie. He had loved her for who she was, befriended her, protected her and always been there, and all she had managed to do was hurt him.

What was the point of anything at this stage? She may as well be dead. No one would care. No one would ever care.

She looked down from the window. It was quite high up.

Down below, students walked passed, two of them holding hands.

She could jump. End it all. Head first; between the swooshing of the wind and the speed, it would be over in a moment.

"The sweet release of death…"

She thought of Snape and everything he had taught her.

Even he had managed to avoid suicide.

She then remembered that he would most likely never talk to her again.

She stood up and edged to the ledge. Her heart began to beat, faster and faster as pushed the window open, feeling the cold air blow over her.

She closed her eyes and extended her arms up to her sides.

One step, that's all it would take. No one would miss her. Her parents were probably never getting out of Azkaban, she had no siblings, no relatives, no friends. Nothing.

Anon was going to stay with Penny, Charlie had left forever, Snape hated her and any chance she had of making friends had disappeared.

To be free of the responsibility of life seemed like a blessing to her.

As she took her final breath, she raised her leg.

Outside, the black crow continued to fly freely in the rain as thunder echoed in the distance.

"Are you sure that would fix things?"

Said a wise sounding voice from behind her before she could take the step.

Startled, she wobbled and looked around.

Dumbledore was standing next to her broom, his half-moon glasses peering at her.

"Suffering is a part of life you know? The doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice your life because of it"

Merula slowly turned around to face him.

"There is no coming back from this professor"

She said simply.

For a moment, it looked like his eyes shined.

"You need to wake up Merula"

She raised an eyebrow.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?"

He smiled.

"Magic is such a wondrous thing, is it not? For centuries we have practised it, but never have we mastered it"

He said as he paced gently, then looking at her.

"Emotions are the root of all magic. Emotions shape who we are, what decisions we make and what experience we gain in life. It is the essence of who we are, without emotions, we are but objects that move around"

"I don't…"

Merula started, but her head felt dizzy.

"Learn from your emotions. Reshape your experience. Control your magic. End the suffering by your own hand and be whom you want to be inside. You have brought inspiration to so many people. Shed light on the lives of countless that were lost before knowing of your existence. There are realities where you are a goddess, others where you are the perfect partner and many where you are you, but unfortunately, here you have suffered"

Merula shook her head confused.

"Professor, I have no idea what you are talking about"

He smiled at her, a smile that transmitted more than any words could ever do.

"You are loved Merula, and even if in time you are forgotten, you shall always live In the hearts and memories of many as the greatest, most powerful and most inspiring witch there ever was in Hogwarts. Now Merula, I need you to do one thing for me"

Merula stared blankly, lost.

"I need you to wake up"

Frustration boiled up inside of her.

"Goddammit! What does that mean? Wake up from what?"

Dumbledore smiled and popped out of existence. He wasn't the only thing. The portraits on the walls, the window, the walls and the floor, everything was slowly disappearing, leaving behind darkness. Eventually, she was left in nothingness.

She looked around, her heart beating, but suddenly, she realized where she was.

The sound of a lock echoes throughout the room and a wooden door opened opposite of her.

"That, Miss Snyde, is why I put you in the wardrobe"


End file.
